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Pixel Simulator: Pixel Simulator
Pixel Simulator: Pixel Simulator is the final game in the Pixel Simulator franchise, released in 2004 by The Cursed Simulation Corporation. It is considered by many to be one of the most bizarre games by the company, which is known for its surreal and unsettling games. Gameplay Like all the games in the Pixel Simulator franchise, the player controls a single pixel. In this game the pixel has the ability to fire laser bolts, lighting, and fire. In some parts of the game, the pixel can grow to the size of buildings and will then possess large fists which it can use to cause untold destruction. The pixel has several upgrade options, mostly related to the size and color of the single pixel. The game also utilizes a slow-mode option, which allows for more accurate targeting. Plot The plot of Pixel Simulator: Pixel Simulator is confusing at best, incomprehensible at worst. Level One The first level begins with Pixel awaking on an operating table where a painting of the Egyptian God Seth gives a lecture about Ayn Rand. A flamingo in a lab coat enters the room and places a sheet over the painting and introduces himself as Dr. Timothy Kilgon. Kilgon helps Pixel from the operating table and hands him a copy of the Tractatus Theologico-Politicus by Spinoza and ushers Pixel into the next room. The next room is a large laboratory with huge Tesla Coils, which Dr. Kilgon uses to give Pixel the power of lightning. He then opens the window to reveal that they are on a huge warship which is moving slowly across the desert. Dr. Kilgon tells Pixel that they are being pursued by a giant hand which must be defeated. At this point a man with crab legs enters the room and attacks Pixel and Dr. Kilgon. Pixel must defeat this man using the Tesla Coils, though this results in the Tesla Coils overheating and exploding. Pixel loses consciousness and the level ends. Level Two Pixel awakes to find himself in the office of J.P. Morgan, whose head is a bust of his own head with a speaker at the mouth where he communicates. J.P Morgan informs Pixel that this is a dream and he must regain consciousness. J.P Morgan sends Pixel to a library within the building to find an ancient codex which will help Pixel awaken. Pixel leaves the office only to be confronted by a gang of Bowery Boys who speak exclusively in Shakespeare quotes. Pixel must defeat the Bowery Boys and make his way to the library. Guarding the library are two stone Geishas who refuse to let Pixel enter. They inform Pixel that in order to enter he must get a pass from the main office downstairs. Pixel enters the stairwell, only to discover that there are no other floors in the building and no exits either. Pixel re-enters the single floor to find that it has been converted into an opium den run by the man with crab legs. Pixel interrogates the man with crab legs who reveals that he is actually J.P. Morgan. J.P. Morgan gives Pixel a pass to the library, which Pixel then enters. In the library, Pixel discovers that there is only one book, and it is Of Mice and Men. Pixel decides to leave with the book only to discover that the door is locked. A cactus slides over and attacks Pixel. Upon defeating the cactus, the cactus confesses that this is an opium dream within the dream. The library begins to flood with oil, which contains a plant beast that Pixel must defeat. Upon defeating this beast, an old man in a rowboat helps Pixel escape the Library. Level Three The old man takes Pixel to an immense cathedral and leaves him there. Pixel finds Ronald Reagan sitting in a pew with the head of Buddy Holly in his lap. Reagan refuses to acknowledge Pixel, but Buddy Holly sings him a song. After the song, Buddy Holly sprouts two small legs and attacks Pixel. After defeating Buddy Holly, Pixel discovers that Reagan is gone and decides to look for him. Pixel enters a room which is filled with eggs which have mouths. The eggs attack Pixel with the physical manifestation of their words. After Pixel defeats the eggs, the eggs all hatch to reveal bubbles. Pixel gets caught in a bubble and floats out of a hole in the ceiling. Level Four The bubble pops and Pixel finds himself falling from a great height. Certain of his death, Pixel prays to God, who sends a legion of angels who carry Pixel to an old English Village. Pixel is barred from entering the village by a human/whale hybrid with a hunchback and a missing eye. This hybrid instructs Pixel to visit the nearby cemetery. Pixel goes there only to be attacked by more Bowery Boys, though this group simply screams incoherently. After defeating the Bowery Boys again, Pixel discovers his own grave. Looking in a nearby shed, Pixel finds a shovel, though his lack of arms prevents him from using it. Just then the caretaker of the cemetery arrives and offers to unearth the grave. Just as the caretaker reaches the coffin, both he and the coffin are hit by lightning and the caretaker dies. Emerging from the coffin is a version of Pixel from the future who warns Pixel that his adventures are nearing an end before vanishing. Disheartened, Pixel enters the caretakers cottage to mourn his impending doom. As he does, Henry Kissinger enters the room and tells Pixel to follow him into the basement. In the basement is a strange machine that Kissinger gets into. The machine horrifically merges Kissinger with an ant and he breaks out of the machine and attacks Pixel. Upon defeating Kissinger, Pixel is given the power of fire. Pixel exits the cottage to find dozens of ninjas surrounding the place, Pixel defeats these ninjas. After this, Bathala confronts Pixel, going on an incoherent rant involving 9/11, aliens, numerology, and nuclear technology. Bathala then ascends into the sky, sending down flaming cabbages which Pixel must avoid. Once the onslaught is over, Pixel returns to the village to find it under siege by imps. Pixel helps the townsfolk defeat the imps. The people decide to take him to the mayor for a medal, but the mayor is the man with crab legs, who offers Pixel opium. Pixel resists, but more imps attack and Pixel is forced to use the opium to destroy the imps. This results in Kali emerging from the ground to eat everyone. Level Five Within the stomach of Kali, Pixel finds an ancient Greek Temple to Artemis, who gives Pixel a bow and arrow which he cannot use since he has no arms. They lay pathetically on the floor as Artemis berates Pixel, causing Pixel to leave the temple in shame. Outside waits Ronald Reagan who attacks Pixel with a theremin which shoots lightning. Pixel defeats Reagan, though Reagan survives and escapes. Pixel wanders over to a tent where he finds a deer with human hands which offers Pixel a glass of absinthe. Pixel accepts the absinthe and is then attacked by hallucinations of green fairies. When he defeats the fairies, the deer reveals itself to actually be a wolf with human hands, who then attacks Pixel. Before the wolf can be defeated, an unskippable cutscene lasting 6 minutes begins wherein a man in a toga declares himself to be "the babyface" then places a featureless white mask on, standing perfectly still for the remainder of the cutscene. After the cutscene, the wolf is already dead and Pixel is seen shivering and covered in blood. Pixel wanders over to a small side room and a mini-game begins where Pixel must choose new clothes. This is pointless because no matter what Pixel chooses, the mini-game ends with him declaring he cannot wear any new clothes. Level Six Confusingly, Level Six is Level Two again, only J.P. Morgan is replaced by a mobster who calls himself "Eyehead Screwjoe". Level Seven Level Seven begins with Pixel in the woods where he is being hunted by Satan wielding a buzzsaw. Pixel must hide from him for a indefinite amount of time. The level only ends when a cutscene randomly begins wherein Satan covers himself in cake icing and recites the Sumerian Alphabet in a monotone voice. Level Eight Pixel is in the stairwell from Level Two again, only this time there are two other floors in the building, which are titled "Level Two" and "Level Alpha". Level Two is a sweatshop, where Pixel is forced to fight sentient clothing, followed by the manager of the sweatshop. Level Alpha is empty except for a door which Pixel must exit to end the level. Level Nine Pixel finds himself in a swamp, where he is attacked by a woman whose face consists entirely of three mouths. Upon defeating her, Pixel acquires the key to the library. The old man in the rowboat returns, but this time demands a gift for his services. Pixel must venture through the swamp to an old witch's house. Inside the house, Pixel is confronted by the witch, who kills him immediately. Level Ten Pixel awakens outside the witch's house, which he re-enters. The witch informs him that this is not a dream within a dream, the attacks him again. This time Pixel is able to defeat the witch, but wonders if he is alive or dead. Pixel searches the house where he finds another copy of Of Mice and Men alongside another key to the library. He takes both and returns to the old man, who accepts the key to the library. The old man rows the boat through the swamp, but they are attacked by evil spirits which Pixel must hold off. Seeking refuge they enter a cave on the edge of the swamp where a large bat explains to them how a mechanical television works. The bat then instructs them to return to the witch's house and bring it her mechanical television. Pixel returns to the witch's house where an unskippable cutscene begins wherein the witch reiterates that this is not a dream within a dream. After the cutscene, Pixel immediately dies. Level Eleven Pixel awakens inside the Oval Office, where he finds a large rat behind the Resolute Desk. The rat gives him a key to the library, and instructs him to find the witch's house. Pixel leaves the Oval Office to find himself inside the witch's house again, where Ronald Reagan is waiting for him. An unskippable cutscene begins where Ronald Reagan declares himself to be "the babyface" and places the previously seen mask on, which he wears for 12 solid minutes. After the cutscene, Pixel awakens outside the witch's house. Opening the door to the house, Pixel finds himself within the Oval Office again. Behind the desk is Ronald Reagan, wearing the featureless mask. Reagan attacks Pixel, and upon defeating Reagan, the mask falls off to reveal that the rat has merged with Reagan's face. Pixel exits the Oval Office to find himself in the witch's house again, where the man with crab legs is waiting for him. The man with crab legs informs Pixel that this is a dream and he needs to wake up. Level Twelve Pixel awakens in the room with the Tesla Coils from level one where he finds Dr. Kilgon dead. Pixel exits the room to find himself in the witch's house again. Inside the witch's house are stone versions of the Bowery Boys, who attack Pixel with wind powers. Pixel defeats them and exits the witch's house to find himself in the caretaker's cottage. Pixel takes a seat but the cottage is invade by large termites, which Pixel must eliminate. After defeating the termites, Pixel gains the power of laser bolts, which he must immediately use to defeat a saxophone playing termite queen. Upon defeat, the termite queen gives Pixel a key to the library and a copy of Of Mice and Men, telling him that this is not a dream. Pixel exits the cottage to find himself in the cemetery, where he must defeat a lion. Returning to his grave, he finds that the coffin is nailed shut. An unskippable cutscene lasting 5 minutes begins, wherein the man with crab legs plays a wax cylinder for Pixel in the opium den. After the cutscene, Pixel is back in the caretakers cottage, where he must once again defeat the termite queen, though this time she does not have a saxophone. Upon defeating her again, Pixel receives from her a copy of Of Mice and Men and a cigarette holder. Pixel exits the cottage, re-entering the cemetery where he is attacked by Bowery Boys, only this time they each have the head of a lion. After defeating the Bowery Boys, an cutscene begins lasting 30 minutes. The cutscene begins with Pixel dying and going to Heaven. Once there, he is kicked out by Ronald Reagan and plummets into the depths of Hell where he is tortured by Satan for the remainder of the cutscene. Level Thirteen The level begins with Pixel back on the operating table. The painting of the Egyptian god Seth begins berating Pixel for failing in his quest. A man in a lab coat enters the room and places a sheet over the painting. The man introduces himself as Dr. Ustev Gore. Dr. Gore helps Pixel off the operating table and leads him into a room filled with paintings of the Egyptian god Seth, all of which tease and bully Pixel. Dr. Gore then attacks Pixel with a ray gun. After defeating Dr. Gore, Pixel must destroy each of the paintings, which can fire lightning at him. After the battle, Pixel discovers a key to the library where Dr. Gore once was. He exits the room to find himself in the library, now filled with books. Pixel goes searching for the codex J.P. Morgan sent him to find. Upon finding the codex, J.P. Morgan appears and commends Pixel for a job well done. He gives Pixel a key to the library, and Pixel exits the library to find himself in the library again. This time all the books are the codex. Pixel decides to use the codex to regain consciousness. Category:Video Games Category:Culture Category:The Cursed Simulation Corporation